I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
