I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
