Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
