They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
