i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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