im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
