We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
