Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
