Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
