chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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