Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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