I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
