Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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