Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
barbara walters just said penis...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
