I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
