This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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