my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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