the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
