I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
