I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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