He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
