Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
