I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
