why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
3 2 1 whiskey
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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