I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
