SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just want nice things and good sex
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
