Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
