I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Send help, water and tortillas.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
