dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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