If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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