Porn is love you can see.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
