He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
