No more Irish car bombs ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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