he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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