when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
