Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Randomize
