In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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