I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
