I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
