so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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