fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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