I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
