Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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