I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
