im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
