return my video game
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That's intense
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
