They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
