A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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