She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
