You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
