Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
