Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
