I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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