can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
