Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
