apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
