Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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