I hate all girls vehemently.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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