One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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