dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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