Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
