I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
